Praise the Lord!
Hah, Scott and I just spent the night listening to the christian music i have on my comp. and downloading christian songs that he likes onto my comp. Sometimes you just need some good clean fun to light up a day full of studying. So, now i can officially say that instead of going out for halloween i stayed home studying and listening to christian music. WOW that sounds sad. But really it was fun, and i didn't miss halloween at all.
Alright moving on... "You're 19 now Colleen, do you feel any different?".. Why YES, yes i do. If you had asked me that when i turned 18 i'd say no, not really, but i can't wait to go to the bar! But now that you ask me a whole year later this is what i have to say.
I feel:
I've also come to realize that above all i have to look out for myself because nobody else is going to. I have great friends and great families but in the end they'll go away and it'll just be me.
(Warning.. TANGENT) Imagine me getting married.. some guy i haven't known all that long compared to how long i've been living, his family who i know even less.. then starting a new family built on top of that. There is SO much trust that has to go into that, where on earth is that going to come from? That scares me. And then those things can fall apart. Heather and I keep talking about finding amazing guys and settling down and having kids and cooking and knitting and going to yoga and taking care of the family. It would be amazing, i really think so. But what happens if that perfect picture doesn't happen quite as i wanted it to.. what if i have to fend for myself? Well that is precisely why i am in school right now and i have to make a career for myself because no matter how much love and trust goes into a relationship.. that may not be what i come out with. Now, just remind me of that when i don't feel like studying for a test or doing a project!! (Tangent END)
Anyhow yeah, for my birthday a few of us went to Moxie's. It was sposed to be a big fun deal, but i wasn't feeling good because of this weeks events, so we just went for a nice dinner and then came back here and i was in bed by 12 if you can believe it. Anyhow, stupid moxie's who i am STILL mad at, just somehow GAVE AWAY my reservation for the Velvet room, and then DIDNT have another table for us, so we had to wait forever just to end up sharing this long table in the bar with some random middle agers we didn't know. GREAT. So my little group of friends kinda got divided into two halfs for the whole night cause one side couldn't even hear the other side over the loud noise of the bar (hence why i wanted the private room and why i BOOKED IT a month in advance). Halfway through the night i suggested we all switch spots so we could talk to other people and get to know them too.. but that didn't go over so well. I spose i seemed to much like the elementary school teacher trying to get all the students to meet each other.
At any rate it was a nice low-key dinner and i was grateful to get out of the house and have some fun. I got the cutest present from the Germans and my roommates put together: A martini set, a bottle of mango malibu, a real live mango, and some mango pineapple juice. PERFECT! Who knew i liked malibu?? Heheh. And Carlee stopped by and brought me a precious pink sparkly star spangled chain-type purse accessory deal. I clipped it onto my zipper and it definitely adds a little 'zing' to my black leather purse. Awww and SURPRISE .. LANA showed up!! Kelly was sposed to come too but we couldn't locate her.
Some of the group --- Lana and I!
The obligatory shot ---- Look how excited i am!! That was when Frank presented me with the gift the Germans got me, he made a whole speech and everything, it was priceless.
Well, this is turning into quite the long entry so i'll end it here. Stay tuned for the 2nd half of my birthday weekend, which consisted of 99% studying, 0% halloween, and 1% birthday festivities with roommates on sunday.
Love!
Colleen
Alright moving on... "You're 19 now Colleen, do you feel any different?".. Why YES, yes i do. If you had asked me that when i turned 18 i'd say no, not really, but i can't wait to go to the bar! But now that you ask me a whole year later this is what i have to say.
I feel:
- older
- wiser
- stronger
- less naive
- less cocky, yet..
- more confident
- more respect for myself
- more respect for my family
- more respect for my dear friends
- more faithful
I've also come to realize that above all i have to look out for myself because nobody else is going to. I have great friends and great families but in the end they'll go away and it'll just be me.
(Warning.. TANGENT) Imagine me getting married.. some guy i haven't known all that long compared to how long i've been living, his family who i know even less.. then starting a new family built on top of that. There is SO much trust that has to go into that, where on earth is that going to come from? That scares me. And then those things can fall apart. Heather and I keep talking about finding amazing guys and settling down and having kids and cooking and knitting and going to yoga and taking care of the family. It would be amazing, i really think so. But what happens if that perfect picture doesn't happen quite as i wanted it to.. what if i have to fend for myself? Well that is precisely why i am in school right now and i have to make a career for myself because no matter how much love and trust goes into a relationship.. that may not be what i come out with. Now, just remind me of that when i don't feel like studying for a test or doing a project!! (Tangent END)
Anyhow yeah, for my birthday a few of us went to Moxie's. It was sposed to be a big fun deal, but i wasn't feeling good because of this weeks events, so we just went for a nice dinner and then came back here and i was in bed by 12 if you can believe it. Anyhow, stupid moxie's who i am STILL mad at, just somehow GAVE AWAY my reservation for the Velvet room, and then DIDNT have another table for us, so we had to wait forever just to end up sharing this long table in the bar with some random middle agers we didn't know. GREAT. So my little group of friends kinda got divided into two halfs for the whole night cause one side couldn't even hear the other side over the loud noise of the bar (hence why i wanted the private room and why i BOOKED IT a month in advance). Halfway through the night i suggested we all switch spots so we could talk to other people and get to know them too.. but that didn't go over so well. I spose i seemed to much like the elementary school teacher trying to get all the students to meet each other.
At any rate it was a nice low-key dinner and i was grateful to get out of the house and have some fun. I got the cutest present from the Germans and my roommates put together: A martini set, a bottle of mango malibu, a real live mango, and some mango pineapple juice. PERFECT! Who knew i liked malibu?? Heheh. And Carlee stopped by and brought me a precious pink sparkly star spangled chain-type purse accessory deal. I clipped it onto my zipper and it definitely adds a little 'zing' to my black leather purse. Awww and SURPRISE .. LANA showed up!! Kelly was sposed to come too but we couldn't locate her.
Some of the group --- Lana and I!
The obligatory shot ---- Look how excited i am!! That was when Frank presented me with the gift the Germans got me, he made a whole speech and everything, it was priceless.
Well, this is turning into quite the long entry so i'll end it here. Stay tuned for the 2nd half of my birthday weekend, which consisted of 99% studying, 0% halloween, and 1% birthday festivities with roommates on sunday.
Love!
Colleen
posted by Colleen! @ 2:36 AM
2 Comments:
At 12:09 AM,
The Collabos said…
Wow,
That was an amazing post. It's so weird to think how much we have grown since we first knew each other. At that time I would have HIGHLY doubted us being friends at this point. but here we are. Both sort of out there on our own in the world. And we are the wiser for it. Lessons are tough, but slowly being learned.
I know what you mean by not being able to trust anyone, but at the same time I think we HAVE to learn to trust. Even if it ends up blowing up in our face like it inevtiblely will a few times. We can't deal with all our shit on our own. That would be unbearable. So we find the people that are most trustworthy (not completely trustworthy, mind you) and give a part of ourselves to them. It is scary and exhilierating and frustrating and heartbreaking and beautiful. But it is essential.
Wow...I don't know where that all came from. I need sleep. But i do love you.
Akiva
At 12:17 AM,
Anonymous said…
I'm so sorry I missed your birthday baby butt. But don't you fret, it will be made up. You, me, a spa, massages for everyone!!! Damn straight! We can do that after I take you out for a fine dining experience at your local red lobster to experience alll the sea has to offer. Endless shrimp! See what percentage of a whales daily food intake you can consume!! Prizes for whoever starves the most sea mammals!
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